Wall Street Journal
April 23, 2019
July 25, 2019
Cleveland Jewish News
The Chankah Connection: Sharing the light with far-away family
"Ruth Nemzoff, a resident scholar at Brandeis University, understands the feeling perfectly. She has studied this period of parental life for a book, published last year, titled "Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children." "I hear parents say things like, 'What do they think�that I'm an idiot?' " she told me. "Parents don't want to be infantilized any more than their children." Or demeaned. She tells the story of a young investment banker. Every time he went back to his parents' home, he grumbled about the old bathroom in their house. He was eager and able to pay for a new one�and wanted to do so as a way to thank them for all that they had done for him. The parents, though, rebuffed his repeated efforts. "They thought the bathroom was good enough as it was," Dr. Nemzoff says. And that was a loss for both sides: The bathroom was never modernized, and the son never enjoyed the pleasure of giving the gift."
Grandparents can help by supporting harried parents. "Ask your child how you can pitch in this week. A parent's needs change day-to-day," says Ruth Nemzoff, Ed.D. author of Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children. One grandfather she writes about sang to his grandchildren on Skype in the mornings while his son sipped his coffee."
Going to a financial planner for professional help is another option. If your child doesn't have a job, consider outlining your expectations for job hunting, says Ruth Nemzoff, author of "Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children."
There's a book you might find helpful called, 'Don't Bite Your Tongue, How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children.'
Nemzoff, a leading expert in family dynamics, helps parents understand how to create close relationships with their adult children, while respecting their independence.
"Each family is its own culture, one others don't fully understand," says Ruth Nemzoff, a resident scholar at Brandeis University's Women's Studies Research ...
"'It's a very big deal to a lot of parents,' says Ruth Nemzoff, a resident scholar at Brandeis University in Waltham, Mass., and author of Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children. 'It can be like a hit to the solar plexus.'"
"Dr. Ruth Nemzoff's book, Don't Bite Your Tongue: How To Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children, helps create close and candid relationships with their grown-up kids while supporting their independence.
"Women who want several children may feel unfulfilled without the experience, which can lead to long-term resentment. To prevent this, discuss your disparate family plans. (Is he worried he won't be able to support a large family? Does he think more than one kid is too much work?). 'Then try to allay his fears�for example, offer to start a "future family" bank account, or suggest moving closer to in-laws who can pitch in,' says Ruth Nemzoff, Ed. D., a resident scholar at Brandeis University's Women's Studies Research Center and the author of Don't Bite Your Tongue. If he won't budge, volunteering with kids or becoming a teacher can help quench your desire to have an impact on the lives of many children."
"Luckily, Dr. Ruth Nemzoff, author of Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children, has some more targeted advice: ask your parents about their lives."
"As a resident scholar at Brandeis University Women's Studies Research Center in Massachusetts, Nemzoff became intrigued with the confusing relationships between parents and their adult children. In her research, she found that parents of grown kids were all saying the same thing: "I have so much to say, but I just bite my tongue.'' Her research became a book, Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children (Macmillan; $14.95), which reads like a smart friend is offering you empathetic, down-to-earth advice on how to have the best relationship with your adult children. For my money, Nemzoff has the most insightful book on the market today about parent/adult child relationships. (And believe me, I've read a lot!) Her compassion surrounding intergenerational issues is comforting; she lets you know you're not alone in your struggles."
"Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children is my most recent book. It is a tale of two perspectives; that of the parents, and that of the adult child. It aims to mitigate the normal storms and dramas of life."
"Nemzoff, an expert in family dynamics, offers a more enlightened path � one that allows you to offer your opinion without wreaking havoc on your relationship with your children. A clinical psychologist and researcher whose academic credentials include degrees from Barnard, Columbia and Harvard, Nemzoff is also a resident scholar at Brandeis University and an adjunct assistant professor at Bentley College."
According to Professor Nemzoff, a leading expert in family dynamics and scholar at Brandeis University, family relationships can be problematic if financial transparency does not exist. Emotions flare when money enters the conversation, but talking about funding strategies will ensure that family members are on the same page and understand the reasoning behind financial decisions.